


The Purple Vase

by PurrfectPosy



Category: Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Happy Ending, Light-Hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-06-28 03:10:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19803514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurrfectPosy/pseuds/PurrfectPosy
Summary: This story starts in late July, approximately two months after the events at Rosings Park. Mr Darcy has been finding it difficult to stop thinking about Elizabeth and decides to distract himself with a spot of tidying. The rather unexpected contents of a beautiful purple vase, lost for many years in an attic room, are certain to change several, well three to be precise, things about his life.A mixture of the book, the 1995 BBC adaptation and a completely different (more magical!) tale, this is a light-hearted, hopefully amusing, and absolutely not serious story.





	1. But why am I soaking wet?!

**_Darcy’s Townhouse. London_ **

Tidy house, tidy mind. Darcy silently repeated the mantra as he steeled himself to open up yet another box.

It was common knowledge that his late father had been an avid collector; however the full extent of the expensive hobby had only been revealed after his death with the discovery of a locked attic room in the London townhouse filled to the rafters with boxed collectibles. Further investigation had revealed _two_ similar rooms at Pemberley.

The tedious task of sorting through it all was something that had been delayed for many years. Initial excitement at the discovery of the huge mystery horde had quickly faded when it became abundantly clear that Darcy senior had harboured a secret affection for porcelain pigs, and the rooms had been swiftly locked up to collect dust ever since.

Until today, that is. He had woken up with the desire to do something useful and so instead of going about his usual day and continuing straight past the stairs which led to the unused third floor, he had surprised himself and abruptly turned left.

He surveyed the room as he stood up and stretched out his aching legs. It certainly had collected dust. And spiders. There really were an alarming number of cobwebs. It was going to be a big task but a busy chore was just what he needed. He realised that he had been working for almost an hour and although he had barely progressed three feet into the room, he had not once in that time been troubled by the usual stream of thoughts circling around and around in his mind.

Well, one thought really. Elizabeth. Try as he might he could not stop thinking about her. Her sparkling eyes, her infectious laugh, her mischievous smile. He clearly remembered the thump in his chest when she had arrived unexpectedly at Netherfield on that cold winter’s day, with her face flushed from the exertion of the walk and her dress covered in mud.

For a while, although distracting, the thoughts had always been pleasurable but now things had changed. Now all he could imagine when he thought about her was the look on her face when he had talked to her in Kent and the anger in her eyes…. those eyes…. Just thinking about it now made his heartbeat quicken and his face flush a deep crimson red. He let out a snort of breath and shook his head in an attempt to shake the thoughts away. No…. He was not going to think about her. He needed to forget about her. Oh! How he _wished_ he had declined to accompany Bingley to Netherfield all those months ago. This whole sorry situation could have been avoided. 

Tidy house, tidy mind. He repeated it again and re-focused on the task in hand. One of the better finds of the day had been a case of very expensive wine, goodness knows why _that_ had been hidden up here, and he poured another glass and took a long sip.

Energised once more he brushed away the cobwebs and cut open the seal of the next large box with his penknife, keeping his fingers crossed that it was not filled with yet more animal shaped ornaments. The box was well packed with straw and it took him quite a while to locate the item.

He had almost given up when his hands finally touched something cool and he pulled out a tall and delicate, but surprisingly heavy, vase. It was quite unlike anything he had ever seen before in both shape and colour. Curved and exceptionally shiny, it was glazed in the most beautiful shade of purple with an exquisite golden swirl pattern. He lifted the gold lid and looked inside, it was empty but he caught the faint hint of a very pleasant smell. He replaced the lid and held the vase up to the light. It really was beautiful. Small flecks of dust from the packing material created an imperfection to the outside and he placed the vase gently on his work table and rubbed at it with his sleeve.

He jumped as the vase vibrated slightly in his hands. What…? He rubbed it again. The vase vibrated more vigorously and became warm to the touch. His legs reacted before his brain could catch up and he hopped backwards and crouched down behind another large box. From there he watched in open mouth shock as the lid wobbled violently and bobbed up and down several times before popping out of the top completely and landing unscathed on the floor. Shock turned to disbelief as a thin wisp of fragrant purple smoke wafted out of the top, getting thicker and thicker, swirling in a spiral and spinning faster and faster until a flash of light revealed…

He did not wait to find out.

Once again his legs took over and he darted through the attic door and sprinted down the narrow staircase, taking the stairs two at a time and jumping the last few steps. Bouncing off the hallway walls he ran straight to his study and slammed the door. After a brief pause to catch his breath, he pushed a chair against the door and crossed to the far side of the room to the collection of fireplace pokers. Weapon in hand he kept his back to the wall and his eyes firmly fixed on the door.

Still as a statue he waited.

And waited.

There was no sound from upstairs.

Nothing. Not even a creak.

After a few minutes of silence his heart rate began to return to normal and his muscles began to relax. As the shock began to fade he started to feel a bit lightheaded and, after returning the poker to its rightful place with the others, sank down into his chair.

He must have imagined it. The musty air in the attic room…. The wine! That was it. The wine. It had muddled his brain. Perhaps it was some kind of poison!

No. It seemed so real. The vase definitely was. Possibly the smoke too. But what about the mysterious figure? He was sure he had caught a glimpse of another presence in the room before he had dashed out the door.

As unbelievable as it seemed, it added up to one possibility in his mind. Could it be a genie? He sat back in his chair and a wave of excitement rushed through his body. A genie! As a child he had been enchanted by tales about magic and had often secretly investigated his father’s collection searching for magical objects. How badly he had wanted his own personal genie. A partner in crime. (A friend). Had his unspoken wish come true? He sat lost in thought for quite a while, mulling over his options, until he convinced himself that there really only was one answer. Genie or no genie- mad or not mad, he had to find out. Besides, he rationalised, nothing had chased him down the stairs so it was reasonable to assume that the danger level was as low to be non-existent.

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “Umm…. Hello…? Person from the vase? Are you there? Are you a….. genie?”

Everything changed in an instant. The hairs on his arms tickled and stood up, his nose wrinkled as he detected the scent of that strange pleasant smell from the attic and his vision blurred as the air in the room seemed to shimmer. He blinked and rubbed his eyes as a human like shape slowly came into focus before him.

He gawped in amazement. He was not sure what he had expected to see, but the being standing before him looked, well, she looked human. A very striking human, her glossy dark hair and beautiful purple eyes ensured that she would stand out in a crowd, but human nonetheless.

“Greetings,” the girl bobbed her head. “As you may have guessed, I am a genie. You have summoned me and in return I will offer you three wishes. Your wish is my command.”

“It is true! A genie!” His voice cracked and the word genie was definitely more of a squeak.

“What did you expect?” Her twinkling eyes were matched by a very nice smile with a row of gleaming white teeth.

“Well… um... Wait… Does anybody _expect_ to see a genie?” He stood up, all the while staring into her eyes. They were the deepest violet. In his discomfort he tried to step backwards and stumbled as he bumped into the chair.

The girl shrugged and took a step forward, closing the gap between them again. “What can I say? There are some people who like to go around rubbing old lamps for the very purpose of finding one of us.”

“Well I am not one of them.” He sank back down into the chair. “And you were not inside a lamp.”

The genie shrugged. “Potatoes. Potatoes.”

She pronounced the word differently each time and he frowned in confusion. “What do…? Never mind.” He shook his head. “I have three wishes?”

“Yes. You may wish for anything you please, but….”

He stopped listening.

Three wishes! His imagination began to run wild. Whatever could he wish for? The ability to fly was an obvious possibility for that had always been his favourite daydream. He pictured himself soaring through the sky, flying over the rooftops, racing the birds and doing loop-de-loops. He imagined the looks of astonishment on the faces of the people watching from the ground and from there his mind jumped to another exciting scenario- what about invisibility?! Now he pictured himself walking down the street, tapping people on the shoulder and making objects float in the air. Or time travel! He could go back in time and tell Bingley no. _No. Netherfield is a very poor choice of house and I advise you not to purchase it_. He closed his eyes. There were so many possibilities!

“Hello?” The genie waved her hand in front of his face and he jolted back to attention.

“Oh!” He stood up and extended his hand. “Please forgive my manners. I have not introduced myself. My name is Fitzwilliam Darcy and I am very pleased to meet you.”

She took his hand and smiled. “Hello Mr Darcy. You may simply call me Genie and let me assure you that the pleasure is all mine.”

“Genie.” He repeated it back to her with a smile of his own. “Please take a seat. Would you care for anything to eat or drink?”

“No, thank you.” The genie sat down in the chair opposite him, leaned forwards and rested her chin on her hand. “So. Tell me. What is it that you desire? What is your greatest wish?” The intensity of her voice surprised him. No time for pleasantries then, it was straight to business. She smiled again but this time there was something about the row of gleaming white teeth that unnerved him. It reminded him of something dangerous, a dragon perhaps, and as her strange purple eyes stared into his doubts began to creep into his mind. The lovely thought of flying gracefully through the sky and chasing the birds was suddenly replaced by a horrifying image of himself with wings and a beak and people pointing and laughing.

“Hah. Can I trust you with that information?” He jabbed his finger in her direction. “I have read books. I know all about genies. You are going to try to trick me. You will make me say something like: ‘I wish Elizabeth Bennet had never been born’ and…oh no!”

He locked eyes with the genie in horror. She blinked slowly and nodded her head. “Done.” Her mouth stretched into another smile and he found himself focusing on the two pointy front teeth visible between her lips.

He clapped his hand over his mouth. “No! No no no. I did not mean that! No!” He stood up which was a big mistake as his knees felt weak. He swayed slightly as a wave of panic spread over him. The world was blurry , everything was spinning and his heart was pounding. “No, no. I take it back…I..

The pointy teeth vanished as the smile disappeared from the genie’s face. “Oh dear, do not panic.” She stood up too and put her hand on his arm. He wrenched his arm away but she immediately reached out to him again. “I was joking. Calm down. She is perfectly fine. That wish did not count.”

“What….. are… you….. talking…. about?” He struggled for breath, gasping every word.

“No, really. Do not have a heart attack or I will have about a million questions to answer to before I can go back into my space. Sit down and drink this.” She clicked her fingers and a cup of steaming tea appeared on the table. “I am sorry, I was just having some fun. She is fine. Really. That wish did not count. I promise. But that will teach you to not listen to me.”

“She is alive and well?”

“Yes.”

He looked at the genie again. The kind eyes and the warm smile were back and despite everything he felt his heart rate slowing back to normal. Almost normal. He gripped the teacup. “Why did that wish not count?”

“Well….” The genie sat back and crossed her arms. “If you had been listening to me when I tried to tell you the rules- and the way your eyes glazed over just now I know you were not. I imagine you were considering flying or invisibility or something like that..”

He flushed.

She smiled.

“Hah yes, you humans are so predictable. Anyway. _If_ you had been paying attention, you would have heard me tell you that you cannot wish to kill someone or for someone to die. Wishing someone had never been born is pretty much the same thing so I cannot grant you that wish.” She narrowed her eyes. “By the by, you also cannot wish for someone to fall in love with you.”

“Ah. Well… ” He realised his voice sounded strangely high-pitched again and he laughed nervously and cleared his throat. “That is good to hear. But how do I know that? How can I trust you when I have no means of verifying if what you are saying is true?”

The genie stared at him for a long moment and then sighed. “Come here,” she stood up and walked over to the large mirror hanging on the wall and motioned for him to stand next to her. “I am going to show you where Elizabeth Bennet is right now. Are you ready?”

“You are going to do what?”

“Just watch.” The genie waved her hand over the mirror and he blinked several times as the glass rippled and fogged before smoothing out into a clear image. He blinked again and rubbed his forehead while his brain tried to process what he was seeing. He was no longer staring at a reflection of himself standing next to a genie in his study but at an amazingly clear image of Elizabeth. There she was. As clear as day. She was standing in a large room, next to an older lady and gentleman he did not recognise. But… wait…. He did a double take. That other lady was Mrs Reynolds… and the portrait they were looking at was…. It was him! Elizabeth was at Pemberley! He took a few steps backwards. “What is this?”

“What is wrong now?”

“This is a trick. You are playing a trick on me.”

“It is not a trick. This is a view of Elizabeth Bennet, very much alive and well, at this very point in time.” The genie clicked her fingers, the mirror went back to normal and he found himself once again looking at a very shocked image of himself.

“But she is…. What is she…. At Pemberley? She is at my house in Derbyshire.”

The genie raised her eyebrows. “What an interesting coincidence. But I can assure you it is not a trick. It is very real. That is where she is.”

Unable to speak he sat back into the chair. There was a long silence as he watched the genie walk around the room picking up objects and inspecting them. After several minutes the genie flopped back into the chair opposite his, sitting sideways with her legs hanging over the arm rests. 

“Come on then. Now you know that the fair Miss Elizabeth Bennet is alive and well, what would you like to wish for?”

“What do people normally ask for?”

The genie rolled her eyes. “Well…flying and invisibility are very common. As I said, in all the years I have been doing this I have concluded that humans are very predictable. Money, power, knowledge. It is always the same. But you?” She waved her arms around the room and pulled a face. “I am not sure. Look at all this. What could you possibly want? Is there anything you want to change about yourself?” He felt her eyes wander from his face and move slowly down his body.

He shifted in his seat and clasped his hands together in his lap. “No! I am perfectly content thank you very much.”

She gave a devilish grin. “Alright then. What about a gift for the mysterious Miss Bennet?”

“No. I think not.” He looked down at his hands.

“What about enemies? Is there anyone you wish to play a trick on?”

“No.” He rubbed his head again, feeling the beginning of a large headache.

There was a long silence. The genie swung her legs around, sat up straight and faced him properly. “Tell me about Miss Bennet. Are you friends?”

“No. I….No. We are not.”

“Why ever not? What is not to like? You are handsome, rich and…” the genie raised an eyebrow, “… she has seen your beautiful house. In fact I should say she has seen **one** of your beautiful hou **ses** because you seem to have two. Do you wish you were there with her right now? Because you could be. Just one click of my fingers and I could send you right there. I could have you soaring over the countryside, flying like a bird. Have you not always wanted to do that? It is just one wish. You have three.”

He stared at her. Mind whirring. Tempting. It was a very tempting thought. 

“Come on be impulsive. Do it. Go on…Show her around your lovely house.”

He felt a rush of enthusiasm. He should do it. Be impulsive for once in his life. Pemberley was his very favourite place to be. A place he had always felt most comfortable and most at ease and he wanted to share it with Elizabeth. When else would he have this opportunity? “Genie I wish….” He clapped his hand over his mouth. This was a mistake. He had already experienced one very close call today when he had spoken without thinking. His mind immediately conjured back the image of himself with feathers and a beak and his enthusiasm disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. This was a very serious matter and required his full attention. “I think I need to consider all the implications about this.”

The genie crossed her arms and he did not miss the flash of disappointment cross her face before it was replaced with the disarming smile. He looked away.

“I would not want to scare anybody by appearing suddenly and unexpectedly.” His mind raced through other worrying possibilities. “And I also want to appear fully clothed. In one piece.”

“Do you not trust me?” The wide eyes and smile seemed to get even brighter.

He looked to the floor. “Sorry, but no. Not yet. I need to write this down to make sure it does not end badly for me.”

The genie let out a huge sigh, flopped back into the chair and put her hand over her face. “Fine! Do what you must. But be quick about it. Miss Bennet will not be at Pemberley all day.”

_27 minutes later_

“Tick tock, tick tock.”

He started at the interruption and looked up to see the genie staring intently into the mirror.

“You may want to consider speeding things up a little or you will arrive in Pemberley and she will be gone.”

He quickly re-read his words. It was good and as far as he could tell there were no loopholes, no potential embarrassments and there was no chance he would end up with a beak or wings. He was confident he had covered everything. He took a deep breath.

“Genie, I am ready.”

“Finally!” The genie moved closer and cupped her hands over her ears. “I am all ears. Go ahead.”

The ground around him shook and the air vibrated and rippled as though he was swimming through water. His vision became blurry but then in the same instant sharpened again to reveal blue sky above him and the familiar façade of Pemberley before him. It had worked! Moments ago he had been standing in his London townhouse and now he was standing in front of Pemberley!

**_~~Darcy’s townhouse.~~ Pemberley_ **

No time had passed! He had travelled from London to Derbyshire in an instant! How extremely exciting and what a convenient way to travel. But wait.. his feet felt…. he was wet. What was this?! No! He was standing knee deep in the lake! He flapped his hands in panic and stumbled, his foot catching on a large water weed, and fell backwards into the lake with a huge splash sending the ducks flying. After flapping his hands some more, he managed to find a foothold and get back to his feet. Slipping and sliding, he rather ungracefully clambered up the bank and instantly removed his shoes and his heavy waterlogged jacket. The genie was nowhere to be seen. “Genie!”

“Yes?” The air in front of him shimmered slightly as she appeared before him with a completely innocent look on her face.

“What is the meaning of this?!”

“I have transported you to Pemberley. Just as you wished.”

“But why am I soaking wet?! Why did you drop me in the lake?!”

“Well, ahem.” The genie cleared her throat and waved a piece of paper at him. “Let me see. You stipulated that you arrived in your desired location unharmed and unchanged. That you would appear unseen by the gaze of any human and that you would be fully clothed. You requested that only seconds would pass between departure and arrival. Bla bla bla. You even left behind a note informing your sister and the rest of your party where you were and advising them to send your luggage. You thought about all of that, but you did not mention anything about your feet being on dry land.”

He opened his mouth but instantly thought the better of it and closed it again. She did have a point, and if that was the only mischievous thing she could come up with then so be it. It would definitely be wise to keep her on his side. He swallowed his anger and smiled back. “Fine. You certainly have a creative mind. Thank you.”

“You are most welcome.” She vanished as suddenly as she had appeared. 

He flapped his hands in despair and looked down at himself. His shirt was embarrassingly see-through. He hoped he could make it back inside the house unseen. How would he explain this?

A movement by the bushes caught his eye and he automatically looked up. A chill of horror ran through his entire body when he realised who was now standing right in front of him. The look of shock on her face must have matched his entirely.

“Mr Darcy!”

“Miss Bennet!”


	2. I was babbling like a fool!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the kudos and comments on the first chapter. I hope you like the second.

“How do you do? Are your parents well?” He cringed. In full panic mode his brain defaulted to a standard greeting which seemed ridiculously inappropriate given the current circumstances. But on the other hand what exactly was an appropriate greeting for this kind of scenario? He had no idea and from the look on her face Elizabeth did not know either.

“Very well thank you. My parents are in good health.”

“How long have you been in this part of the country?”

“For several days now.”

“And how do you find it?”

“It is very beautiful. We have been on many wonderful walks and seen some breath-taking views.”

His favourite image of Elizabeth at Netherfield crept into his mind. Eyes shining, cheeks flushed and with her skirt covered in mud. He was so lost in thought that he jumped slightly at Elizabeth’s next words. 

“Mr Darcy, I must apologise for we did not expect to see you here. We understood from your housekeeper that you were still in London or else I…we….”

Her face was still flushed and she nervously pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Despite his own discomfort he could not bear to see her in distress and interrupted her as she paused mid-sentence.

“I cut my stay in London unexpectedly short and have only arrived myself this past hour. Please let me assure you that you are most welcome here at Pemberley. Tell me, what do you think of the place?”

“It is a very fine house. The gardens are delightful and the ….lake...” Her eyes flickered from his face to his chest and then to the lake behind him and he was reminded at once that he was dripping wet and in a see-through shirt. How odd must he look! How odd must she think he was? Carrying on a normal conversation while he looked like a bedraggled sea monster! The urge to run away to the house was strong, so strong, but he held his feet firm.

“I am delighted you think that. I enjoy the lake too. It is a marvellous way to cool down in warm weather.” He saw her eyes flicker again between him and the lake with its muddy water and tangle of water weeds and then to his wet shoes and coat on the ground. Despite the blue skies above them it was a cool day and at that moment a sharp gust of wind sent ripples over the water and added yet another layer of implausibility to his story. He could not bear it any longer. “If you will excuse me, I am very wet and I must take my leave. Please stay a little longer to enjoy the gardens. There is a wonderful walk which leads all around the lake with fine views of the house. ”

“Thank you.” Elizabeth shifted from one foot to the other and looked as anxious to escape as he did.

He nodded and without another word bent down to pick up his coat and his shoes and hurried past her, walking so fast that by the time he reached the house he was almost running. 

“Genie? Genie!” He whispered from the safety of the house, leaning over slightly to try to catch his breath. “Genie, where are you?”

The familiar shimmer in the air blurred his vision and he refocused to see the genie stretched out on a chair with her feet on the cushions. She smiled contentedly and blinked slowly in a gesture which reminded him of the kitchen cat. 

“Genie this is your fault! I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life! I was wet and… and I told her I was swimming in the lake to cool down? What was I thinking? What must she think of me?”

“I thought you were rather charming.”

He rolled his eyes, let out a huff of breath, and dismissed her statement with a shake of his head.

“You were! And I must say you look rather fetching in that wet shirt. Perhaps you should consider I did you a favour by landing you in the lake. I recall I granted a wish once where the gentleman requested for it to rain so he could…”

He narrowed his eyes. “Did me a favour?” He interrupted her. “I am completely drenched!” He tipped his boot upside down to demonstrate just how waterlogged he was. A trickle of water was followed by a water weed which tumbled out and landed on his foot. “These were brand new boots!”

“Do you want to wish for a new pair?”

“Genie, you are incorrigible!” But despite his frustration he could not deny that there was an element of charm around her unapologetic attitude and he could not help but have a little bit of admiration for her cheek. He scowled. Not that he wanted to show her that.

“Here,” the genie clicked her fingers. “Take this and dry yourself down.” A towel appeared in her hands and he took it from her. “I really think you should hurry back outside and talk some more to the lovely Miss Bennet. Who seems really quite wonderful by the way. Go, go! Offer her a tour of the grounds. Take the walk you mentioned to her.”

He rubbed his hair with the towel. “I am not sure what we would talk about.”

The genie sat up straight and looked at him with such an unnerving focus that she once again reminded him of the sleek and shiny cat who could alternate with ease between being a friendly purring ball of fluff who would curl up and sleep on Georgiana’s lap for hours on end and a ruthless killer who had completely rid his kitchen of mice. At this moment he felt like a mouse.

“Can I help with that? Do you wish to have a silver tongue? A way with words which makes you appear easy with all that you meet? Do have a friend who is a master of social situations? Perhaps you could switch places for an hour, a day, an evening? Have you never been tempted? It is just a wish away. You have two left.”

He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“You could wish for a romantic walk around the lake filled with frivolity, dancing and smiles. She will not help but fall madly in love with you- if she is not already of course.”

“I thought wishes about love were forbidden.”

“I cannot click my fingers and command Elizabeth Bennet to fall in love with you. That would be wrong and you would not want that.”

He shook his head in agreement.

“But you could wish for a situation where you are shown to your best advantage and where she may quite naturally fall in love with you. Or conversely she may not. She may find your attempts at romance quite repulsive! But I very much doubt that.”

He sighed again. “I thank you for your suggestions, but I am wet and cold. Please leave me so I can get dressed.”

“As you wish.” The genie got up from the chair and twirled gracefully around in a circle. “But you had better hurry; Miss Bennet will not be staying long.” He followed her with his eyes as she plucked the towel from his hands and continued to dance around him. Her eyes were the last thing to disappear as she slowly faded from view.

He hurried to dress in a clean change of clothes as quickly as he could and ran back downstairs- giving his housekeeper the fright of her life as he crashed down the stairs past her and through the door.

“Miss Bennet!” He caught up with her as she was almost at the carriage. “You are not leaving so soon?”

“Yes, I am afraid we are intruding on you here.”

“Not at all.” He looked behind her to the man and woman who were not hiding their curious stares. “Please would you do me the honour of introducing me to your friends?”

“Mr Darcy this is my uncle and aunt. Mr and Mrs Gardiner.”

“How do you do?” He nodded at them both in turn and they smiled rather nervously back at him.

“Very well thank you sir.”

He returned their smiles with, what he hoped, was a friendly one of his own. “How do you find this area of the country?”

“Very well, sir.” Mrs Gardiner’s eyes crinkled and her face relaxed into a more genuine expression. “I actually grew up very near to here. In Lambton.”

“Oh indeed! I know it very well. I spent a lot of time there as a boy playing games and climbing trees on the village green.” He noticed Elizabeth’s curious gaze, possibly imagining him in short shorts climbing trees, and suddenly felt self-conscious again. Mrs Gardiner continued to smile but said no more. There was a pause and his mind went completely blank. Elizabeth was silent too. The aunt and uncle shuffled from foot to foot. Once again panic took hold, his throat felt tight and his tongue suddenly felt too large for his mouth. He was aware of the bird song and the air around him seemed stifling. He felt a hot flush rising through his body and knew it would only be moments before his face was as cherry red as the breast of the robin perched on the branch in his immediate line of sight.

The robin ruffled its feathers and he followed it with his eyes as it fluttered away down the side of the building. He desperately wanted to follow it. He needed the genie. He got the feeling that if any more words were to come out his mouth today it would only be with her help. In an instant he made up his mind. But he just had to get Elizabeth to stay. He took a deep breath.

“Please would you be so kind to allow me to give you a tour of the grounds. The walk around the lake is really quite lovely.”

Elizabeth still looked lost for words but nodded. “Thank you.”

He felt sure her answer was out of politeness and not from desire to spend another moment with him and he knew he was making the right decision.

“If you will excuse me for a moment, I think it might rain and I will fetch us an umbrella...” he did not wait for a response and left Elizabeth and her family staring in puzzled silence at the blue sky above them and the rather obvious lack of a single rain cloud.

“Genie?” He hissed.

The genie appeared at once and propped herself casually on the umbrella rack.

“I need your help!” The words tumbled from his mouth. “I am not one for frivolous conversation. I never have been. I am not like Bingley. I cannot smile and dance and charm my way around a room. I need….” His mind thought fast. What did he need? A silver tongue, silver tongue, silver tongue. The genie’s words from earlier circled in his head. No, that was a terrible turn of phrase. Bingley! That was it! He could wish to be as carefree and charming as Bingley... Oh but no. No no no! Her words were crafty. They placed thoughts in his head. He needed to be careful. He needed to get the wording just right or he could find himself stuck in Bingley’s body or something equally as horrifying. He desperately wanted more time to sit and write down his thoughts- not that it had helped him last time. He took a deep breath.

“Genie, I wish for this walk around the lake to be perfect. I want the conversation to flow easily, for the laughter to be merry, I want the river and scenery to look beautiful and for the weather to show it to its best advantage. I want it to be romantic…” he flushed at the unexpected admission. Oh! Curses to the genie for putting that word into his head in the first place! His words faded as he lost his train of thought. “That is all. End of wish.”

“Perfect it will be. Done.” The genie waved her hand and disappeared in the same instant.

He gulped. It was not the most coherent wish and he suddenly dreaded the outcome.

Something was definitely odd. He felt different. His heart leapt to his mouth.

He touched his hair and rushed over to the large mirror in the hallway where he breathed a sigh of relief at his own reflection. How did he feel different… he felt… light…. He felt a spring in his step. He was smiling. Really smiling.. His mouth felt stretched and his cheeks pinched. Words gurgled up from his belly. He could actually feel them rising up and he coughed slightly. Once then twice. He wanted to talk… to laugh…. He needed to…it was so strange, it felt as though the words were spilling out of him.

He rushed towards the door and hurried back down the path towards the group who were still standing at the lake. “Miss Bennet! Ah, there you are. I am so delighted to take you on this tour.”

Elizabeth looked at him curiously. “What about the umbrella?”

He looked at her blankly.

“You thought it might rain?”

“Oh!” He thought quickly. “I spoke to my housekeeper and she assured me it would be fine. She is quite remarkable at predicting the weather.”

Elizabeth looked to her relatives and they nodded.

“Please..” he ushered them forward and they walked together towards the leafy river walk. It really did look beautiful. He could not quite put his finger on what was different until...

“I have not seen these flowers in bloom at this time of year!” Mrs Gardiner was looking at astonishment at the colourful display in the border.

He looked at the wide range of plants in all different colours and species and bit his lip. He was no horticulturist but even he knew that that yellow flower was a daffodil and they only appeared in the earlier months of the year. Everywhere he looked there was a new surprising flower and his heart sank a little. “We have good soil and light here at Pemberley” He managed. “And an excellent gardener.” Luckily they were so distracted they did not question him further.

A tall heron was standing on the edge of the river bank watching as shoals of silvery fish glinted beneath the surface. “My, you keep a well-stocked lake!” Mr Gardiner looked extremely impressed.

“Yes, you must come and fish here. Any time you please.”

“Thank you.” Mr Gardiner looked very pleased at the invitation.

As they walked the words flowed from his mouth and there was much laughter… but mostly from him. He noticed that Elizabeth was very quiet and only replying with short answers. Mr and Mrs Gardiner were slightly more animated, but nothing compared to him. He kept talking, laughing and pointing and underneath his jolly façade panic set in. His arms were pointing out flowers, and birds, and statues and landmarks, and the sky. He just could not stop them. His mouth was moving and spilling out words and laughter. He could not stop it. His feet were moving faster and faster. He had no sense of control. He realised with a start that Mr and Mrs Gardiner had been left far behind and he was now alone with Elizabeth.

They were in a small circular clearing which happened to be a favourite place of his on the grounds. There was a bench in the middle which was perfectly situated to look down an avenue of lime trees with an uninterrupted view of the lake and the house. He had spent many hours here as a child reading books to himself and to Georgiana. The setting was beautiful and a swarm of butterflies engulfed them momentarily before fluttering on. For the first time in several minutes he found himself speechless.

Elizabeth was smiling, at last. “This is really beautiful.” She waved her hands gently through the air and smiled in pleasure as a butterfly landed on her finger, followed by another.

A wave of calm rushed through his body. “It is. I have many happy memories from my childhood of this place. I would sit and read my books on this bench- sometimes alone or sometimes out loud to Georgiana. Sometimes I would just sit and watch my sister draw and paint. You may have seen some of her paintings on display at the house.”

“I did. She is a very talented artist.”

“She is indeed. She has great dedication but also a natural ability to capture the world around her. I am quite in awe of her. There are certainly none of my paintings on show in the house.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I sympathise for I too can barely hold a brush!”

A humorous memory popped to mind and he felt compelled to share it. “I once offended Lady Catherine de Bourgh by drawing a terrible likeness of her. Although I maintain that it was her fault, for it was she who demanded I draw her portrait despite my protestations!”

“I would like to see it.” The look on her face seemed genuine. “Although I presume Lady Catherine had it destroyed?”

“Oh yes, she demanded it was thrown straight onto the fire however Georgiana managed to distract her and it was saved. Georgiana was most amused at my pathetic attempt and I believe she has kept the painting in her room. I will attempt to find it.”

“Are you close to your sister?”

“Very close. Despite the difference in age we spent a lot of time together, just the two of us.”

“It must have been a very peaceful childhood.”

“It was. The sound of one sister playing the piano is most calming, but I imagine listening to four would be a cacophony!” He was not quite sure if that observation made sense but Elizabeth was still smiling.

“You are a surprising character Mr Darcy.”

He could not quite place the expression on her face. Curiosity? Or something else? After their encounter in Kent he had not been at all sure what Elizabeth’s reaction to seeing him would be, but now he felt a rush of hope.

“I….”

They both jumped as his words were interrupted by an unexpected rumble of thunder. A quick look to the sky made him realise that at some point it had got very dark and the blue skies had been replaced by thick dark clouds. A drop of rain hit him square on the head, before another caught him straight in the eye. The droplets cascaded from the sky, heavy and fast.

“We need to get to shelter! Follow me, this way!” He shouted above the torrent.

They started running, slipping and sliding over the wet grass until they reached a tall oak tree with a large canopy to protect them from the rain.

For the second time that day he was drenched. His hair was wet, his clothes were soaked, droplets of water ran down his face and when he moved his shoes squelched. He looked over to Elizabeth- her hair was equally wet, her clothes were equally drenched and water was also running down her face. He swallowed when he noted that the bottom of her dress was splattered with mud.

“You were right about the rain then!” Elizabeth stated the obvious and he could not help but laugh. A hearty laugh and for the first time that afternoon it felt like a real laugh. It came from deep inside and his whole body was shaking. Elizabeth started laughing too and the pair of them stood together watching the rain. He took a deep breath, the smell of the rain on the grass was wonderful.

“I do enjoy the rain.” He admitted.

“I do too. The smell of the world after it has rained is so refreshing.”

“Georgiana says that too. When she was younger she loved to dance in the rain. I could not stop her running outside and twirling around, trying to catch the droplets. Of course, I had to go outside myself to bring her inside and once I was wet she made me dance with her too.”

“I thought you did not care to dance? Or is that just in ballrooms when it is dry and warm?”

He flushed and was suddenly lost in thought at a memory, from many years ago, of him and Georgiana laughing and dancing in the rain without a care in the world.

“I have never danced in the rain” Elizabeth looked thoughtful. 

He stepped back and bowed slightly. “Would you care to dance?”

The look of surprise which crossed Elizabeth face was quickly replaced by a smile and she gave a brief curtsey. “What music shall we choose?”

The music to ‘Mr Beveridge’s Maggot’ ran through his mind and he suggested it out loud. He had revisited that dance many times, and imagined it in several different ways- but never like this. If she wondered about his choice she did not mention it, instead she simply nodded. He was sure he could actually hear the music as they went through the first movement. Perfectly in time and completely in sync with each other. Their fingers touched as she moved past him and he felt a tingle of electricity. They faced each other once more and he bowed again.

“Thank you for the dance.”

“You are welcome.”

Almost exactly on those words, the rain storm stopped just as suddenly as it had started. The grass glistened as the rain clouds vanished and sunshine lit up the world. He stared at Elizabeth, focusing on her lips. She stared back at him with a smile and licked her lips slightly. She looked nervous. He felt nervous. He moved towards her and she took a step too, but then jolted back. Shaking her head slightly and looking confused. “We should find my uncle and aunt.”

The moment was lost and his mind cleared. He began to feel like himself again. What was he thinking? What had they done? What had almost happened? Common sense took over. “Please take my arm and be careful where you tread. It is very slippery underfoot.” Squelching and sliding they made their way back towards the woods and were met halfway by Mr and Mrs Gardiner who did not look half as wet. They both laughed at the sight of their niece. 

“We were protected by the trees over there,” explained Mr Gardiner, “but you two are drenched!” Elizabeth was still smiling and wiping droplets of water from her face. 

“I suppose we needed that umbrella after all!”

“Please come inside to dry off. I am sure I have clothes to fit you all and make you more comfortable.”

He paced the room as Mrs Reynolds took his guests away to change their clothes. When their voices had faded from earshot he looked around the room.

“Genie! What is the meaning of all this?! What did you do to me?”

The genie appeared in front of him with a little poof of air.

“What is wrong?

“First things first. Why am I wet again? I specifically asked for the weather to be perfect!”

“A rainstorm is the most romantic type of weather…”

“Genie, this is unacceptable! She will not want to speak to me again!

“I am sure that is not true.”

He huffed in annoyance and turned his back on her. “Two wishes and two times I have felt humiliated. This will not do!”

“Perhaps you should feel thankful that you even have one wish.”

“You seem determined to vex me!

“I merely did as you asked. The walk was perfect and, for what it is worth, I think your guests seemed very pleased with what they saw.”

“The lake! The rainstorm! The dance! What did you do to us? I nearly… I wanted to… in the rain… I do not know what I was thinking. It was most inappropriate!”

“I had nothing to do with that. I did not compel you to dance with her, nor her with you. That was completely your idea and I should point out that she was happy to accept. Before you protest I will remind you again that love spells of any kind are not allowed. It is simply not possible.”

He shook his head at the realisation that this was true- assuming the genie was truthful that is. There was a pause as he processed the information in his head. “How did Elizabeth seem...”

“She looked happy…”

“Before that, in the woods, I was babbling like a fool…I could not stop talking.”

“You were making conversation. I thought it flowed rather nicely.”

“That is where our opinion differs.” He crossed his arms and said no more.

The genie stared at him and crossed her own arms. “I can tell we are not getting anywhere with this conversation so I will leave you in peace.”

“Oh!” He gasped in outrage as the genie vanished. “You always have to have the last word!” He muttered out loud to the empty room and paced about until the housekeeper returned with his now dry guests.

“Thank you for your kindness Mr Darcy. We will have your clothes returned to you at the earliest moment.”

He could not look at her, but forced himself to speak. “There is no rush. However perhaps I could call on you tomorrow. I would be happy to give you a tour of the area in my carriage.”

“Thank you. I would like that.”

His heart jolted and he forced himself to look at her. She was still smiling.

“Until tomorrow then.”

“Goodbye.”

He watched as their carriage disappeared down the long drive.

“What did I tell you?” He jumped as the genie appeared beside him. “A rainstorm is very romantic.”

He could only stare at her.

“Thank you genie,” she prompted with a grin.

“Thank you genie. I am sorry for my outburst… I am very grateful for this opportunity and I very much enjoy your company.”

“All is forgiven.”

_Two days later…_

“Genie, where are you?! Genie!”

He was out of breath and completely flustered. His mind was racing with the information he had just been given by Elizabeth. Mr Wickham! Mr Wickham and Lydia! It was completely incomprehensible.

“Whatever is the matter?” The genie pinged into view in an instant, appearing right next to the kitchen cat and causing it to flee from the room at lightning speed. 

“Mr Wickham! I need to put a stop to this. To him! I need to do something!”

The genie smiled and tapped her chin. “Tell me everything.”


	3. Oh you stink! Oh what a horrible smell!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone. You may have noticed the chapter count has increased to four. I got carried away with writing and this chapter ended up being rather long so I decided to divide it in two. (I am also not quite ready to stop writing and this gives me a bit more time to play with the ending!)

The genie looked from his fists to his face. “Let me remind you that you cannot wish someone dead… nor for that matter can you raise someone from the dead.”

“Dead? No.” He started in shock. “Of course not. No.” He unclenched his fists and flexed his hands by his sides. “But I need to fix this. I need to do something. I need to …”

“Take a breath. Sit down….” The genie gestured to a chair and he sank down into it. “Drink this…” A small glass of wine appeared on the table next to him and he took a sip.

“You may not wish to kill someone, but there are many other options for the creative mind.” The genie settled into the chair opposite him and drew her knees up into an unusual crossed leg position. “For example- perhaps you could take a classic stance and wish for his nose to grow bigger with every lie that leaves his lips. You could wish for warts to sprout on his chin or for him to have tentacles instead of feet. Extreme flatulence is always an amusing choice.”

“Scales on his arms and a forked tongue!” All sorts of good ideas bounced around inside his head. He smirked at the idea of Wickham with a squeaky voice or lime green coloured skin. It was tempting… but could he do that to someone? It was wrong, but this was Wickham. He was a terrible man. “I am not sure….”

“Do it! Go on, make the wish! You know you want to.”

He shook his head, his conscience overriding all thoughts of revenge. “No. I must make this right and punishing Wickham in that way will not help matters.”

“You could wish for him to be followed everywhere he goes by a swarm of bees. For him to speak only in riddles.”

He grinned, that was a good one…. But still no. Think. He needed to think and he needed to be alone. There was something about the genie’s voice and body language. As he had already observed, she was very persuasive and he was very tempted. It was a dangerous mix.

“Genie, please. I need to think about this carefully. Please leave me in peace.”

“Suit yourself. I will be here when you need me.” The genie crossed her arms and vanished.

Once again he sat down at his writing desk and started making a list of things he needed to do. From there he began to compose a detailed wish and his writing became quicker and quicker as ideas rushed from his mind.

“Let me stop you right there. I cannot grant this wish.”

The pen squeaked across the page as he jumped at the sudden interruption. His head jerked up to see the genie reading over his shoulder, head cocked to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… look at all those ‘ands’. I wish to return to London _and_ find Wickham _and_ return Lydia to her family _and,_ um, what is this that you have crossed out? Ooh I see ‘forked tongue’? That is nice. Subtle. But no. You cannot do that. You cannot ask for more than one thing in one wish. What would be the point of having three wishes? One idea per wish. That is it.”

He stopped writing and threw his pen down. “But there is so much I need to do! Genie what can I do?”

“Eyes on stalks?”

“Oh!” He stood up in frustration, knocking his chair backwards. He began to pace in front of the windows and around the room.

“Stop pacing. You are making me dizzy, please sit down.”

He sat down at once. He needed to concentrate. Time was imperative right now. Perhaps he _should_ simply use his final wish to transport himself directly to Wickham and sort out the problem with money. Wickham was sure to accept that. It had been done before… But oh! He did not want to give that man any more money!

Perhaps wishing for Wickham to be covered in green scales was not such a bad idea after all. But it would not solve anything. It would not return Lydia back to her family and being married to a scaly green man would only add to her unhappiness.

He sighed and put his head in his hands. “Could I go back in time?” He asked suddenly, raising his head again. The thought was very appealing and if he chose the right time it would certainly be a useful fix for so many problems.

The genie was uncharacteristically quiet and he scrutinised her face. She pursed her lips and seemed to be deciding what to say. “I am not meant to discourage wishes, unless they are forbidden of course, but I would not recommend time travel.” She said finally in a low voice, looking all around as she spoke. “There are too many variables. As a first wish maybe, but remember that this is your last.”

He closed his eyes. It was a foolish idea. “Thank you.” He jumped to his feet again. “I am definitely not using my last wish to travel back to London therefore I must get moving.”

A short time later he was on the road, rattling along in the carriage and enjoying the time alone. The genie had kept up a steady stream of increasingly outrageous suggestions while they were waiting for the carriage to be prepared but had finally disappeared out of necessity when the horses had been brought out. Although invisible to other humans, her presence had clearly upset the animals who had snorted, stamped their hooves and pranced about in quite a dangerous manner until she had vanished from his sight. 

He stared at the changing countryside, new thoughts manifesting and morphing together in his brain. By the time he had reached the rest stop he was ready for her company again.

“Genie? Are you here?”

“Yes.” She shimmered into view in the seat at the table opposite him.

“How does this work? Where do you go when you are not granting wishes?”

“I have a space I can retreat to and observe the world.”

“Are you trapped in the vase? Is it your home?”

“Oh no. The vase is just a temporary vessel. I have had many different ones over the years- including a traditional lamp of course. After your third and final wish I will bid you adieu and transfer to another vessel.”

“You will not stay in my vase?”

“No.” She must have read the look on his face. “The object stays with you and you may do what you like with it, but I will be gone. You cannot call me again. Nor can you instruct anyone else to. You can rub at it all you please but that particular vessel will remain empty.”

His face dropped. There went that idea.

“But could I use my final wish to send you to someone else of my choosing so they could discover you and gain three wishes?”

The genie raised her eyebrows and linked her hands together. “Very good. You can do that. In fact some people have used this method to keep wishes in their family for a very long time.”

He paused to consider the implications of this. “That would be very powerful.”

“Indeed. But it can also be very harmful. Once you have given your third wish you have no more power over the genie. You will not see us and you have no control over what happens next. For every instance where it has offered an advantage I have seen situations where things have gone very wrong. The power of the wish can do very strange things to people.”

“Hmm.” There went that idea too. There was a silence as he looked out the window. “Where are the other vessels?”

“Here, there and everywhere. Spread far and wide.”

“Anywhere in England?”

“Anywhere in the world. I can go to anywhere there is a vessel.”

“Can you see the future?”

The genie tilted her head. “In a way. But not how you might expect.”

“Do you know what will happen to me, to anyone? Can you tell me that information?”

She raised her eyebrows and paused before replying. “That would be very powerful would it not? All I can say is that I do not know anything about your future, or anyone else’s, unless you ask me to look. I certainly cannot give you that information for free and you have to wish for very specific information.”

He pondered on that. It occurred to him how potentially dangerous the situation he was in was. How powerful the genie was and what he could make her do. It was a scary thought. Imagine if the genie had ended up in the hands of such a person as Lady Catherine de Bourgh or even Caroline Bingley. What kind of devious plans would they come up with? He shuddered at the thought.

“Can I wish for you to be free and live a normal life?”

“My, you are full of questions today are you not?” The genie leaned back. “You could. But I would strongly request that you do not. I do not need to be rescued in the way that you imply it. Far from being heroic you would be condemning me to a normal life where I would age and die. No thank you. I am very happy with my life as it is.” Her purple eyes went very dark. He had clearly struck a nerve.

“I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you.” 

The genie shrugged and her eyes lightened back to normal. “You did not. But let us change the subject. Have you any more thoughts on Mr Wickham?”

“Nothing I would actually go through with. I am trying to figure out where he might be hiding. What contacts he has and where he might go.”

“I would not worry about that. A man like Wickham will surely not be too hard to find.”

******

_Several days later_

Wickham was late. Darcy shifted from one foot to another as he stood self-consciously at the entrance to the church. He kept his eyes to the floor to avoid the inevitable curious stares of passers-by who probably assumed he had been stood up himself. Things had gone so smoothly until this point. The genie had been right. Wickham had been both easy to track down and easy to convince with money. He had really not wanted to pay Wickham but due to the time restraints and the complete lack of other feasible options he had felt like he had no other choice. The genie had been disappointed and right now he wished he had given in to some of her better ideas.

He tapped his foot. Where was he? Lydia and Mr and Mrs Gardiner were going to be arriving any minute. If he was not here ready and waiting and smiling when they arrived…. He clenched his fist.

The clip clop of hooves caught his attention and he turned to see Mr Wickham approaching on the back of a very fine looking white horse. He snorted at the irony.

“Darcy! Fine day for a wedding!” Wickham shouted, causing many more heads to turn in their direction. Wickham trotted closer before jerking his hands to bring the horse to a sudden stop. The horse whinnied and shook its head in protest. It shifted on the spot and let loose a huge pile of droppings.

Something snapped inside Darcy as he reached out and took hold of the reins. “Genie!” He whispered out loud, covering his mouth so Wickham would not notice. As soon as the air began to form the familiar shimmer he instantly let go of the horse again and jumped backwards. He kept walking backwards at a fast pace.

As he hoped, the genie appeared next to the spot he had been standing last.

Right next to the horse.

The horse’s eyes widened and its nostrils flared. It danced on the spot as Wickham made calming noises and tried desperately to bring it under control. The genie stayed where she was, invisible to Wickham but not to the horse. The horse ignored all Wickham’s attempts and instead bucked wildly, determined to shake itself free of its rider and escape. It was a valiant effort and Darcy held his breath as Wickham swayed in time with the horse and fought hard to stay upright but it was a losing battle. He watched with a smirk as Wickham toppled to the ground- straight into the steaming pile of fresh horse manure.

“Uurrgh!” Wickham leapt back to his feet instantly, brushing himself down frantically but it was no use. He was completely covered, with a large and obvious wet patch on his trousers and dung all over his previously white shirt. Darcy did not even try to hide his smirk.

“Mr Wickham!” A shriek from further down the street caught everyone’s attention. Lydia had picked up her dress and was running up to the scene. Her aunt and uncle in close pursuit.

Forgetting that his hand was filthy, Wickham ran a hand through his hair and deposited a pleasing brown streak on his forehead. “Uurgg!!” He cried out again in anger, flicking his hand vigorously from side to side.

Darcy covered his mouth and turned away. This was too much.

“Wickham, my darling. Are you hurt, are you…..Oh you stink! Oh what a horrible smell!” Lydia jumped back in horror.

Darcy met eyes with Mr Gardiner and they shared a small smile. Afraid he would laugh out loud he quickly turned away again and cautiously approached the horse while making soothing noises. He took hold of the reins and stroked the horse’s nose. “I am sorry for scaring you,” he whispered so only the horse could hear. He eyed the fruit and vegetable shop a few doors down the street. “I will reward you with carrots.”

He got back in time to see the Vicar emerge from the church and immediately recoil in horror and decline to shake Mr Wickham’s hand.

Everyone stood at quite a distance from Wickham for the entire duration of the short ceremony. Although he kept his facial expression suitably sombre, Darcy could not remember the last time he had felt so happy at a wedding.

_A little while later that day at the London townhouse_

“Genie? Are you there?”

“You certainly looked very pleased with yourself at the wedding.”

“Only for the smell, not the situation I assure you.”

“That was a good joke. Quite reckless of you too if I may dare say. What if Mr Wickham had hurt himself falling from the horse?”

“I was not concerned. You were there to fix him if need be, but I would have regretted the most dreadful waste of a wish.”

“I am impressed at your deviousness.” The genie sat down and crossed her legs. “What is next? Would you like to use your final wish to take you to the side of Miss Bennet so you can regale her with your triumph?”

“Oh no. It was not a triumph and she will not find out about my role in this. As far as she and her family are concerned it was her uncle, Mr Gardiner, who came to Lydia’s aid.”

“What? Why?” The genie looked completely aghast.

He looked to the floor. “I knew about Mr Wickham’s character from the beginning and I should have warned them. I was simply fixing something of my own making..”

The genie attempted to interrupt and he waved his hand to stop her.

“Elizabeth will not find out about this and that is all I want to say on the matter.”

“When will you meet her again?”

“I am not sure.”

“That will not do! You must see her again.”

“You misunderstand. I am very keen to see her, however there is something I must do first.” He bit his lip. “I have not told you the whole story. A little while ago I meddled in the affairs of my good friend Mr Bingley. He was quite enamoured with Elizabeth’s sister Jane but I was not certain that his feelings were reciprocated. At the time I thought…. Well, I thought I was doing the right thing. However now I am sure it was not and I am determined to actually do the right thing. I need to explain everything to Mr Bingley and put this matter right too.”

The genie clapped her hands. “Would you like to wish for some help with the transport? The conversation?”

“No thank you.”

“Well, why did you call me here then?”

He frowned at her unexpectedly harsh response. “Um, I.. well, I just wanted to talk to you.”

The genie narrowed her eyes. “Although we are on friendly terms, you must not think of me as one of your friends. I am a genie. I cannot stay with you forever and I must urge you to decide on your third and final wish soon.”

“I will… I…” He knew she was right but felt a stab of disappointment at her pointed words.

“Do not look so sad." Her face softened. "I really have had a very entertaining time with you, but I need to move on. Think of me as a bird, you cannot keep me caged. I need to fly free.”

He snorted. “That is a very pretty analogy, but I think I see you more as a caged wild cat.”

“Grr!” The genie laughed and swiped her hand playfully at him like a claw. “Very well, perhaps that is true. As I do enjoy your company I will give you an extension of a few more weeks to decide on the right wish. But I am afraid I will have to be very strict on the matter when the time comes.”

“I understand. I have enjoyed your company also. But now I must take my leave- and make my own way to Mr Bingley.”

_Netherfield. A few weeks later_

The ride back from Longbourn was a blur. It was lucky his horse knew the way back to Netherfield because his own mind was otherwise occupied with much more pleasurable thoughts. _‘My feelings are quite different…. In fact… they are quite the opposite.”_ He repeated the words over and over in his head and his heart thumped violently in his chest at the memory. _“Quite the opposite.”_ They were engaged! Elizabeth was to be his wife. It was unbelievable. It was marvellous. It was…

“Will you be needing the horse again sir? Sir…?”

He blinked and realised that the horse had already delivered him back to Netherfield. The groom was standing in front of him, holding an expectant hand.

“No. Thank you. That will be all.” He relinquished the reins and the groom led the horse away.

Despite his excitement he resisted jumping in the air and clicking his heels together as he had observed Mr Bingley do the week before. But he almost did.

He hurried inside. He could not wait to tell the genie everything.


	4. No no no! Do not say it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it- the fourth and final chapter. I hope you like it, I'm going to miss writing it. Thank you so much to everyone for reading, commenting and kudos-ing!

“G..”

The genie appeared in an instant, before the word had even finished leaving his mouth.

“What happened, are you engaged? Your face is so serious I cannot tell!”

“We are engaged.” It felt very odd saying those words out loud and his face broke out into a smile so wide his cheeks hurt.

 _‘My feelings are quite the opposite’._ Those wonderful, unexpected, but much hoped for words had sent such a jolt through him he could still feel the reverberations now. His whole body was shaking, he could not control it. His teeth were chattering, his toes were twitching, and his fingers were tapping. He had truly never felt this happy.

“Congratulations!” The genie clapped her hands together and jumped daintily on the spot. “How very exciting. Sit down at once and tell me the whole story.”

“I cannot recall all the details… “ It was true, his memory was fragmented. His mind was filled with images of Elizabeth; her dancing eyes, her beautiful smile, and the way her hair sparkled and caught the sunlight as it was tousled by the breeze. He could picture all of that but he could only recall small pieces of their conversation. _‘I thought only of you.’_

“Georgiana will ask you the same thing so you need to start remembering.”

“Elizabeth may be better at describing…”

“But Elizabeth cannot tell me! Start at the beginning and talk me through it. I want to know everything.”

The genie motioned to a chair and he sank down into it, taking a deep breath to compose himself. He massaged his forehead and closed his eyes, willing his thoughts into order. “I arrived at the house at one fifteen in the afternoon.…..”

“Everything important!” The genie interrupted, rolling her eyes and settling into the chair opposite his in her usual unusual crossed leg position. “Jump ahead to the interesting part.”

He cleared his throat. “Bingley and I had schemed in advance and decided a walk along the lane would be an excellent ruse to gain some privacy. We had not counted on Kitty…”

“Oh! I do not care for Kitty… hurry along!”

“I thought you wanted to know everything? Do you want me to tell the whole story or not?”

The genie vigorously nodded her head.

“Well, stop interrupting then!”

The genie ran her finger over her mouth as if she was sewing it shut.

“After Kitty excused herself to call upon an acquaintance, Bingley upped his pace to take Jane out of earshot, and we were finally left alone.” He paused for a moment as the memories flooded back from the moment they both stopped to watch Kitty disappear down the track. Elizabeth had been standing very close to him, so close their shoulders were almost touching, and this had started such a hammering in his chest he had taken a step backwards in fear that she would notice. “I wanted to speak but my mouth was so dry. I almost darted behind a tree to summon you for help!”

“I am glad you did not for that would have looked very odd!”

“Indeed, but I was just about to do it when Elizabeth suddenly stopped walking. You will not guess what she said next- she thanked me for my part in helping Lydia. She knew all about it!”

The genie’s mouth dropped open. “How did she find out? I thought you were determined it was to be kept a secret.”

“It was Lydia herself. I was apparently a topic of conversation and Lydia commented that the only time she had ever seen me smile was at her wedding.”

“Ooh..” The genie’s eyes flashed with excitement.

“When questioned she let the whole story slip- apart from the most important detail.”

“And that was?”

“The horse manure. She failed to mention her new husband was completely covered in horse manure when they made their vows.”

The genie clapped her hands and let out a shriek of laughter. “Oh! If only there was a way the memory could be preserved and shared. You should commission a painting and hang it in full view for everyone to see.”

He snorted with laughter. The sight of Mr Wickham covered from tip to toe in horse manure was something he would enjoy for the rest of his life. “I could barely speak through laughing and Elizabeth was equally delighted at the information. I fear that she may have been quite confused that I was smiling during such an event.”

“What happened next? From the look on your face I am guessing this is the good part.”

“Yes…” He trailed off again, lost in the memory. This time he could not remember Elizabeth’s face because he had not been able to look her in the eye. He had instead focused on her finger as she delicately wound a strand of hair into a spiral. “She thanked me again. _In the name of all her family_ …” The words were coming back to him now. “I told her…. I said… _“If you will thank me, let it be for yourself alone…. Your family owe me nothing…. I believe, I thought only of you.”_ The strand of hair had spun back into place as it was released from her finger. Her cheeks had flushed red to match his. He had finally been able to look her in the eye again.

The genie sighed and clutched her hand to her chest. “You really said that? ‘I thought only of you’?”

He nodded. “I told her that my affections and wishes were unchanged.”

The genie stared open mouthed at him and waved her hands impatiently. “And then..”

“She said..” his heart thumped again. “She said her feelings had changed since we first met and were in fact… _quite the opposite_.”

The genie closed her eyes and sighed happily.

“I do not remember much more after that…”

“Not the butterflies?”

He looked up sharply. The genie’s eyes were open again and locked on his with that mischievous glint he was beginning to know so well. Of course! Now he remembered the fluttering swarm of butterflies that had engulfed them… again. “Genie! You were there? You were watching?!”

“’My dearest loveliest Elizabeth’” The genie lowered her voice to a deep growl in a clear attempt to mimic him, and then pretended to swoon. “Oh Mr Darcy!” She went back to her normal voice and clutched her hand to her chest once more and wiped away a tear of laughter with the other. “I saw it all! I am impressed. It was very romantic.”

“You made me repeat it when you knew what happened.” He blushed and looked to the floor.

“It was a beautiful sight!”

“I suppose I should thank you that you did not make it rain on us again!”

“I resisted that temptation. But I do know how much you like the look of Elizabeth after she has been walking in the rain.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively and he threw a cushion at her but it bounced harmlessly on the floor as she simply vanished and re-appeared on the other side of the room. She held up her hands in surrender. “I hate to cast a shadow on this joyous situation, but does this mean you are ready to make your final wish?”

He frowned. “I have been thinking…” He had. In the past few days he had considered several ideas relating to Elizabeth, but had discarded every one of them. He wanted it all to be real, everything- their wedding day, their happy life afterwards. He did not want it based on a wish. On a different tack he had even thought about sending the genie to Georgiana however had just as quickly decided against that. Georgiana was sensible, but the genie was too devious and he just could not risk it. He stalled. ”I have a few ideas, just give me a little bit more time.” 

“What is so important that you cannot think about it now?”

“I need to make preparations to return to London so I can tell Georgiana the good news in person and, oh dear...” An unpleasant thought suddenly struck him and put a small puncture in his good mood. “I need to write a letter to my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She will be most displeased.” What was she going to make of this? What would she do? Would she scream in rage, tear the letter to pieces, or would she accept it for what it was? Hah. He snorted at his own optimism. She was going to be furious. 

“Lady Catherine de Bourgh? She sounds very serious. What do you think she will do?” It was as if the genie had read his mind. “Do you think she might pay you a visit, or perhaps even one to Elizabeth?”

His eyes widened at the thought. He would absolutely not put it past his aunt to do such a thing. He imagined her sweeping through the gates of Longbourn in her carriage and felt a surge of protectiveness towards Elizabeth. How long did he have before she found out? A few days at least. But he would have to write a very strongly worded letter straight away.

“I will have to make the wording of my letter very clear. Although I have no doubts that Elizabeth can hold her own against even such a fearsome and disapproving opponent as my aunt, I would not want her to experience it.”

“I imagine time is of the essence in this matter. I could transport you right to her instead… or her to you….”

“A letter will do.”

“Your return to London to see your sister will be tedious. I know how much you dislike travelling. The noise, the vibrations, the waiting at the rest stops, and the smell of the horses.”

“Hmm…” he busied himself looking for paper.

“The people at the rest stops. Do you remember the man with the bad breath? “

“Yes.” He frowned and opened the drawer to find his pen.

“Or the man who would not stop talking to you. The one with the strange tic. Do you remember? It was very annoying.”

“It was.”

“Think about it. Instant travel….”

“I did that. I ended up soaking wet.”

“Just specify dry land and you will be fine.”

He sighed and put his pen down. The genie was clearly not going to leave him alone. He needed to face facts and accept it was time to say goodbye. There was just one thing he wanted to do first. Without warning his mouth cracked into a grin and he tried to hide it.

Too late.

The genie narrowed her eyes. “Why do you have that look on your face. What is so funny?”

He straightened his face and scratched his chin as if in deep thought. “I did have one good idea.”

“Do tell.”

“As I said, I will be very sad to see you go. You are a very charming person and I cannot stand the thought of you having to provide wishes for the rest of your life. I thought that perhaps you might like to stay here. Are you sure you want to remain a genie…”

The genie’s eyes widened and she backed up a little. “Do not wish to see me free…”

“Would you not like to live as a real person? Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Taste the fine foods? I know you enjoyed observing Caroline Bingley when we were together in London. Imagine if you could actually tell her exactly what you think about her? I think you would enjoy it. In fact I know you would and that is why….”

The genie shook her head violently… “No no no! Do not say it….”

“Genie, I do _not_ want to set you free.”

The genie stared wide eyed at him and then put a hand to her chest. “You trickster! I thought you were going to do it!”

“Of course I would not. I would not do such a thing when I know it is against your wishes. I am sorry if I frightened you but I could not resist fooling you as you did to me when we first met.”

He scrutinised her face and was surprised when she let out a peal of laughter. “Oh Mr Darcy. You need to practise your poker face. I could tell you were up to something from a mile away with that smile all over your face. I simply played along!”

“Oh.” He actually felt disappointed. “It seems I am a terrible liar.”

“That is a good thing is it not? Well played, it was a good joke. I suppose we are even.”

“I suppose we are.”

He held out a hand and she shook it. “I have very much enjoyed your company.”

“I have too.” She smiled back. “But about that wish..”

“Alright.” He sighed. “How about you give me some suggestions? I know you like to do that.”

“What about Mr Wickham?”

“What about him?”  
“He will shortly be your brother. You will have no choice but to see him on occasion.”

“He will never be welcome at Pemberley.”

“But you will see him at other times. Georgiana might…..”

“Do not say any more.” He felt a knot form in his stomach. “Do not mention her name and his in the same sentence. I will ensure that she does not ever have to see him. Lydia can correspond and visit her sister as she pleases, but Mr Wickham will never be welcome in my house.”

“Sorry,” the genie looked genuinely contrite and he nodded a silent acceptance. “I am just trying to make you consider the future and how your third wish might be able to help. Have you thought about Lydia? Elizabeth will keep in correspondence with her sister and you will hear about Mr Wickham through her. Do you think married life will calm him? Do you think he will be an attentive husband to her?”

“No.” He ran his hands through his hair. “But what can I do? I cannot wish for a love spell, I cannot wish for them to be happy...”

The genie shook her head. “I know you were adverse to green skin and scales or similar, but what about something else. I know you. I know your conscience forbids you from actually causing him harm, but have you considered giving him an affliction which is annoying but ultimately harmless.”

That was certainly an interesting idea and not one he had considered. “Perhaps….” A gem of an idea began to form in his mind. “I need a minute to think. What was the irritating tic that the man at the coach stop was complaining about? It jolted his whole body every few seconds.”

“Hiccups?”

“Yes… hiccups.” He composed his thoughts and rubbed his hands together. That was it! It was harmless but annoying and that made it perfect. He took a deep breath. “I am ready to do it then. I am ready to make my final wish. Well.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “Goodbye genie, it has been a pleasure…”

She nodded. “Likewise.”

“Genie, I wish that every time Mr Wickham talks to a lady other than his wife he is struck by a bout of hiccups that lasts for the entire time he is in her company.”

The genie smiled, once again showing off the two small pointed teeth between her lips. “And so it ends. Goodbye Mr Darcy. I bid you well. I am sure you and Elizabeth will have a very happy life together.”

“Thank you. Goodbye genie.”

“Done!”

And that was it. She vanished from sight and despite the lingering pleasurable smell he always associated with her presence, he was immediately struck by a sense of quiet and calm.

For about five seconds.

He jumped as Mr Bingley burst through the door. “Where did you disappear to? You left me at Longbourn! What happened? Are you engaged? Your face is so serious I cannot tell!”

“It is good news. We are engaged.”

“Outstanding news! Just marvellous!” Bingley vigorously shook his hand and clapped him on the back. “Why the devil are you hiding in here?! It is time to celebrate!”

“I heartily agree!”

Before he left the room he took one final look at the purple vase now standing empty in the corner. He idly wondered about the next person with the good fortune, or misfortune- he was still not sure which, to encounter the genie. He hoped they were sensible with their wishes…. And that they kept their feet dry.

.


End file.
